I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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