i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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