She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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