Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
His nipple licking is glorious
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
