hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
