We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
