I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i came on her dog
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
