i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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