Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
