She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
