Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
