What a fucking waste of an outfit
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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