he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
