This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
