so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
