I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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