your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
