Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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