I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
