Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
