No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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