i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
