There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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