i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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