He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
