no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
