My girlfriend figured out who you are.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
