shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My ass is underappreciated
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
