cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
