Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
