Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
