You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
