i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
