I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
