I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bring me that man meat
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
