I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
