I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
