Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
