You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
