Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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