i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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