My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
