so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
