She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
