I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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