Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just high enough for therapy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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