she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
