If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
