my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
