I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
