Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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