Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
