we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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