Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
