I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize