i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
