Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
