Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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