he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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