Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
