i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have tasted many bathrooms
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
