I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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