tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
