You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
