White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
