she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
