mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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