I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
