I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
