Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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