i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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