I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
