I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want her autograph on my taint
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
