She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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