I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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