i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
